Getting Over the Grief

I made the leap into the freelance writing world independently, on my own, because it was time. But I know a lot of you who are in the same boat didn’t dive in gracefully. You were pushed. Someone came up behind you when you were enjoying the view and shoved you over the edge. Blame it on the faltering economy. Blame it on a publishing industry in the throes of an identity crisis. Whatever the reason, you’re here now beside me in this boat.

Any major, life-altering change is bound to have an effect on your psyche—particularly if it’s one that you did not choose and that happened to you suddenly, without warning. It’s a trauma and it takes its toll. To really get your feet back under you, to be at the point where you’re able to move on with confidence, it’s important to take some time to address the emotions you’re feeling and to think things through.

Here’s how to get yourself on track by working through the five stages of job-loss grief—and launching yourself into your freelance writing career.

1. DENIAL
What’s going on: You’re numb. You can’t believe this has happened to you. Odds are, the reality of your situation hasn’t fully sunk in yet. You feel unmoored.

How to cope: Give yourself time. You don’t have to jump into a job search or start seeking freelance writing jobs the second you’re laid off from your position. It’s OK to take a few days or even a few weeks off to recover from the initial shock. Sleep late if you need to. Take long walks. Spend time doing activities that you love but that you don’t normally have time to do when you’re busy juggling work, social commitments, and family demands. Work out, meditate, read a good book. Do whatever you can to stay sane, to recover, without falling into your own never-ending pity party.

2. ANGER
What’s going on: The shock has worn off. Now you’re just angry. “Why me?” you ask, and you look for people to blame. This should not be happening to you. You’re smart, you’re talented, you did everything right. Others who still have their jobs may be subjected to your bitterness.

How to cope: Take your frustrations out on a boxing bag, on a long run, or by journaling until your hand hurts. Resist the temptation to launch into a tirade about how unjust the world is to everyone you meet. Rather than playing the blame game, channel that anger. Make a list of what makes you great, of your talents. Your former employers don’t know what they’re missing out on. Now, what can you do with all those stellar skills?

3. BARGAINING
What’s going on: You begin to think that maybe, just maybe, there’s a way you can get your old job back. Perhaps they made a mistake. They’ve realized they can’t live without you, right? They must have by now.

How to cope: Face your feelings head-on. You’re a logical person. You know deep down that as much as you wish otherwise, the job isn’t coming back to you. You can’t do anything about that. Instead, brainstorm ideas for what you can do. You can update your resume. You can identify publications or websites you’d like to write for. You can take that short story idea that’s been lingering in the back of your mind and run with it.

4. DEPRESSION
What’s going on: The reality sinks in. This is real. You aren’t getting your old job back. If you’ve made the decision to start looking for new jobs or to pursue freelance work, you may also be struggling because things aren’t moving along as quickly as you would like. Are you used to working in a busy office? You might be lonely because you don’t have coworkers to talk to anymore. Or perhaps you’re choosing to isolate yourself. You may be doubting yourself and your abilities.

How to cope: It’s OK to be sad. It’s OK to take some time to work through your feelings. This is an important stage of grieving, so don’t feel like you have to “get over it” immediately. At this same time, you don’t want to languish in a pit of despair for too long. Talk to friends or family members who will lend a sympathetic ear. Get out your journal again. Spend some time looking inside yourself. What would make you happy now? What can you do to turn things around? Listen to your heart and your gut. And take care of yourself—work out, eat well, get outside and enjoy some fresh air. You’re about to embark on a busy freelance career, so you need to be healthy!

5. ACCEPTANCE
What’s going on: You’re at peace. You understand now that you couldn’t have done anything to stop your job loss. You’re calm, you’re organized. You may even get motivated. “It’s going to be OK,” you think. And you know what? It is.

How to cope: It’s time to take action. Implement a game plan for where you want to go and what you want to do. You still may face moments of doubt and uncertainty, but you can see the light at the end of the tunnel. You’re confident in your ability to find a new job or make freelancing full-time work. Now run with it.

Learn More:
Job Loss Grief
Job Loss Survival Guide
Job Hunting Tips: How to Deal With Losing Your Job
Five Immediate Work Options After Losing Your Job

Please note: This blog post is meant only to offer general advice and motivation. If you are seriously struggling with depression or pain as a result of your current employment situation, please seek help.

Photo: lisa_at_home2002